My Fathers Love - #5

Last night I folded into my cream and olive stripped chair in the corner of my living room and cried. I became overwhelmed by a thought... a life-giving reminder. It was the realization that I am deeply loved, tightly held and so very precious to my father in heaven. This understanding unfolded within a tender moment I had with my almost-two-year-old last night.

She awoke abruptly hours after she had been put to bed.

Fear gripped her heart.

Tears consumed her eyes.

Cries filled the room.

My heart sunk, as I realized her confusion and dismay. “Mama!” She cried out. I picked her up and held her against my chest. She clung to me... She was quieted just as soon as I could wrap my arms tightly around her. She was so upset to begin with though, that her breaths were still short and shallow. Desiring to bring her comfort and calmness, I began to sing over her. Her tiny hand reached up to feel the vibrations of the song in my voice. She just needed to know I was near. It brought me such joy to bring her peace; to be her safety net. We rocked in that moment for a while, until I felt her strength was restored enough for her body to rest on her own once again. I laid her down in the dark and stroked her cheek. While her fears crept up again, they were squelched quickly when I grasped her sweet little hand. I leaned over the crib, one arm reaching in, the other supporting my weight upon the dresser next to her bed. My cheek rested upon the blanket draped over the crib railing. I watched her body settle into her bedding as her distress melted away. Every few seconds, she would say “Mama?” and I would whisper, “I’m right here.” Our connection was life to her in that moment. Knowing that, I got as close as I could be, while giving her the space she needed for me to covertly slip away to allow her to sleep independently. Hovering over her and being filled with the fullness of our exchange, I was reminded that I’ve experienced this exact same scenario before... just on the receiving end.

She so desperately needed me to stay with her. Seeing her profound need for a loving comforter within her fear, revealed a sincere reflection within my adult self of that same need. It is generated in infancy and deepened throughout our entire lives. We are created to need love, because God is overflowing with it and wants to pour it out upon us. He knows its power, and wants us to know it too.

While many of us have only experienced love psychologically and physically, that is not the conception of our love story. God loved us deeply and individually before we were even a twinkle in our mothers’ eye. Jeremiah 1:5 says “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart.” Job also speaks about this in chapter 10, verses 10-12: “You guided my conception and formed me in the womb. You clothed me with skin and flesh, and you knit my bones and sinews together. You gave me life and showed me your unfailing love. My life was preserved by your care.” This all sounds a lot like a mother’s love to me. While I cannot protect my babies against all harm like I know my Heavenly Father can, I can certainly relate to the deep love He proclaims over me, his child... His baby forever.

“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love, he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”- Zephaniah 3:17. His Words to us through His prophets and appointed ones have brought me more comfort than I could imagine. They embrace the very core of my being. They secure me. Within them, He is nearest, and I am safe.

As I pondered all of this in my striped chair last night, I thought about how He has been there for my husband and I over all the years... and most recently over the past two weeks since we’ve entered a storm. Its been two weeks since he lost his job. Within those two weeks, we have been held and cradled by our loving father. I looked back in my prayer journal over this time and found myself using words like, “I feel you hovering close,” “I know you hear my cries,” and “Be near me.” He indeed has. He has comforted me with the same love and tender care that I would give my own children in pain. He holds me close to his chest. He whispers messages of hope in my ear. He sings over me. I love this image so much. I am desperate for him, just as my little one was desperate for me. And while I grow tired and weary of her need, He does not.

As I went through my morning mommy routine this morning, the decoration I had carefully crafted and placed above her bed a couple years ago, stood out to me. It solidified all that He had revealed to me in this very spot the night before. It's a paper banner than reads, "His Banner Over Me Is Love." Within the power of his love, I will be strengthened.

The Love of my Father is like no other

My cries for comfort fill his ears

He yields to my need

I am quieted by his ardent heart

Relieved and held in his strength

His embrace engulfs my entirety

His heartbeat captivates,

and begins to imitate my own

He cradles me

Tightly binding up my brokenness

with his reliable love

His assurance hushes my storm

His song restores my peace

He holds my heart,

and I hold his.

I can rest in Him.

For in His arms, I am safe.

He will never leave me.