Engaging Operational Trust - #4

Have you ever had something turn 180 degrees in an instant? Were you assured that things were going to be one way, and in the very next moment, it all reversed? In those next few moments, since life had turned upside down, you had become speechless, clueless and numb? I know all about that... My husband lost his job yesterday.

It stings. I hurt for him. I’m in this strange in-between place where time seems to be moving slowly, yet abruptly all at the same time. My mind is moving a million miles a second, but my lips forget how to formulate any meaningful words. I want so badly to comfort and console him, but I’m not really sure how to do that. I just held his head in my arms and cried with him tonight. My man, our sole provider, my best friend has just been stripped of something that held so much of his identity.

I keep thinking about trust. We put our trust in so many things; things as minuscule as the chair we sit in to the depth of our relationships with the ones we love. Trust is a deep concept. Giving someone or something your trust is essentially putting your vulnerable heart into their hands, hoping they will foster the needs it possesses. For most adults, it takes time, consideration and bravery. At times, trust is lost --- like it was for my husband. It hurts when that happens. This is why I have seen how important it is to put your trust in truth. Test it. Don’t operate on false hope when it comes to your trust --- Because it holds your one and only heart. Even though my husband gave much of his trust to his job, I know that it didn’t hold all of it. The majority of it lies in the safest place it could be --- within the hands of the One who created his heart, and its broken pieces even now --- And that is where my trust lies as well.

After we grieved, breathed deeply, and found comfort in the presence of our Heavenly Father, I was reminded that my trust is safe right where it is. Even when my world shakes, my faith will stand.

I’ve recently been reminded how faith and trust are beautifully and vulnerably paired. I’ve learned what trust and faith are separately throughout my years, but I often times found myself trying to distinguish between the two. How are they related? Are they even different? A wise counselor in my life recently reminded me that trust is relational and faith is operative. Trust is grown by the seeds of the beliefs that we rely on internally when expectations are affected. Trust grows roots deep into our hearts. Faith is how we act those beliefs out. Faith requires action. Without trust backing faith up, there would not be a solid foundation for faith to stand on. These two attributes have a symbiotic relationship --- that is, they need each other to function at their best.

As I pondered all of this, I realized that God is deepening my trust and reminding me through this huge life event, that it’s time again to carry out the trust that He has been rooting in me. I’m still consulting His guidance for what that should look like exactly, but I am confident that acting out my faith will require me to come before His feet daily... making time and space for Him to speak. His word is life and breath to me. Having trust in my husband also, I am reminded that my role as his wife is to let him heal and lead at his own pace, and most importantly to carry him by pouring out prayers of renewed trust over his heart. It is time once again to make my faith, operational trust.

These types of life events tend to point out that I should be stepping out in this operational trust daily. Because my trust relies on the belief that Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross thousands of years ago, indeed happened and the result of it needs to be shared with the world. So why do I struggle to share it? To act on that trust? To step out in faith? I think that is another blog topic all together. However, somehow my weakness found within this whirlwind, has made me stronger.

These major life events shake me awake and show me how fragile life truly is. I also see how in need we are of His strength to truly operate on my ‘acted out faith.‘ I can't do it within my own strength. With each step of faith, I am one step closer to the answer we need so desperately right now. Where do we go from here?

As we lean into Jesus, He says to our broken hearts, “Come to me all who are weary and burdened. For I will give you rest. Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Remember also that in your weakness, you will be made strong.” (Matt. 11:28-29 & 2 Cor. 12:10) He is deepening our trust, and prompting us to faith especially within our pain. We will put our trust in Him, for He is trustworthy.